I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
