if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize