I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
