Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
