I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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