can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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