We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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