Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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