he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
