from now on my penis is your penis
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
