I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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