You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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