She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
