; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
