Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
