please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
