Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
