Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
