then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize