she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
