i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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