we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
