Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
