my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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