That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
