brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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