Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
