watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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