She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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