I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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