she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
