he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
organizing the empties. That sober.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize