I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
