I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
