I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize