But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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