I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
