You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
