thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
