so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
