he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
