my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
