Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
