Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
