So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
