Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
