I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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