Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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