I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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