he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
