Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
