I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Michael Bay diarrhea
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
