two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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