I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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