Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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