it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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