the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
