i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
