I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
