good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
