yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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