I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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