you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
