I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
