the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
