This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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