i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it glows. i had to have it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
